Latest News

Karri and Denny Allen know the power of shared experience.

As parents who have lost a child, they know firsthand how connection and conversation provide healing and comfort. Now, they run a nonprofit to help other parents.  

In 2012, Karri Allen was at home with their 15-month old son, Asher, who they describe as a happy, healthy toddler.

“On a random Monday, I put him down for a nap, and I knew something was off,” Karri said. “He was crying, but then his cry just stopped.”

She ran into his room and pulled his limp body out of his crib. She called 911, and Asher was rushed to the hospital, but it was too late. “That wasn’t something I was expecting. I didn’t have any inclination it was going to end that way,” Karri said.

That event set the Allens down a new path.

“Days were hard, and it felt like the world was moving around us, but we were stuck in one spot. I didn’t know if we would ever be part of that world again,” Karri said. “We instantly decided we needed to find people who had walked in these shoes.”

They did, attending support groups and sharing their experience with other families. They found people who had been through a similar tragedy and come out the other side – if not healed, at least able to face the world again.

Denny, who had been in the military and was suffering from PTSD before Asher died, signed them up for a retreat in Minnesota. “It blessed us in many ways,” Denny said. “Early on, Karri and I both isolated. We were stripped to our core. We recognized after the retreat that it was one of the worst things we could do for healing.”

He also knew they needed to turn toward each other, not away, to protect their marriage.

“At first, Karri wanted to look at every picture of Asher and watch videos, and I couldn’t do it. It hurt too much. And in her mind, she thought, ‘didn’t you love him?’”

That disconnect could drive a wedge through them if they didn’t figure out how to understand their grief. The retreat was so helpful that they decided to bring one to South Dakota.

Nonprofit aimed at connection

Healing Hope Ministries began in 2016.

“It’s hard when you’re both grieving so deeply. You want to help each other, but you can’t. And that’s why you need to surround yourself with community,” Karri said. “You need to talk to other people.”

“You need to see that they are surviving,” Denny said, noting that watching others get on with their lives made him realize he, too, could find that strength. “That spark of hope kept us moving mentally.”

They also found solace in sharing difficult thoughts and feelings. “Grief groups give you permission to share the things you don’t want to say out loud,” Denny said. “Most things said out loud have been thought by every parent we’ve ever met with.”

The Allens feel like it’s their calling to help other parents. He worked for the phone company, and she was a massage therapist before staying home to take care of Asher. Denny said he felt the power of connection when he was working in someone’s house, and they would ask about his son. He would tell the truth: He had a son, but he’s in heaven.

And then often the person would sit right down and share their own story of losing a child, something they might not have talked about for decades, he said. “Those encounters early in my journey helped me understand the importance of talking about this.”

Now, Healing Hope Ministries hosts retreats, small group discussions and special events, including a Walk to Remember, where people gather to honor children they’ve lost.

Parents find out about Healing Hope through word of mouth, and the Allens reach out to families when they hear they’ve lost a child, inviting them to coffee and offering to bear witness to their grief and hear their story.

Other times, people hear about their Walk to Remember or Night of Hope and join those. Karri and Denny see this as their life’s work. The Allens have two other sons, and they hope their boys are learning healthy ways to manage difficult emotions.

“We don’t have the secret recipe. We just found there is massive blessing and healing in connecting with each other,” Denny said. “We have found tremendous purpose in this. The people we are meeting are in a pit, and they’ve never been in a pit so deep. We can’t change that side of the equation.”

Lasting support

Healing Hope Ministries has received grants through the Community Foundation and recently opened an organizational endowment, to provide funding long into the future. Denny said the guidance and advice he’s received have been invaluable. “We know how hard it is for nonprofits to function and how much impact the Community Foundation has,” he said.

Patrick Gale, vice president of community investment for the Foundation, said helping new nonprofits get established and then watching them grow as they serve is rewarding. “The Allens are so passionate about their work, and their compassion is a source of strength for so many grieving families,” Gale said. “We need people like them doing this kind of work – and helping make space for people who feel so alone.”

For Karri and Denny, sharing their story and hearing others’ stories is both difficult and healing. “Every time we say it out loud, it helps our brain realize this did happen, and this is real, and there can be acceptance,” Karri said. “Until you can accept this is real, you can’t start dealing with it.”